Poll: Should Broken become a romance story?
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Yes
0%
0 0%
No
40.00%
2 40.00%
I don't care/Undecided
60.00%
3 60.00%
Total 5 vote(s) 100%
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Broken
#1
Synopsis: The events of Weirdmageddon have passed, and his inability to get along with his brother have found Stanford Pines alone in a closed Mystery Shack, just as Stanley promised him at Ford's request. He doesn't stay lonely for long, though, when a stranger arrives at his doorstep.

Chapter 1 (Click to View)
Chapter 2 (Click to View)
Chapter 3 (Click to View)
Chapter 4 (Click to View)
Chapter 5 (Click to View)
Chapter 6 (Click to View)
Chapter 7 (Click to View)
"do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser."
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#2
Ford is a genius, and he can't figure out how to use a toaster? Cooking is probably also a skill he would pick up in the 30 years on his own.
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#3
(03-26-2016, 03:48 AM)RockSunner Wrote: Ford is a genius, and he can't figure out how to use a toaster? Cooking is probably also a skill he would pick up in the 30 years on his own.

Well, yeah, 30 years in another dimension, he might have known cooking, but can he make a descent, earth, human meal?
"Every beginning has an end... And every end has a new beginning."
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#4
"do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser."
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#5
Well that was a misteak.
[Image: 101860422_stidenterprise3.gif][Image: tumblr_nkgc1yQOXU1sccu9co1_400.gif][Image: tumblr_nkgc1yQOXU1sccu9co5_400.gif]
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#6
Chapter 3 is currently under reconstruction.
"do not burn the candle at both ends, as it leads to the life of a hairdresser."
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#7
I just finished reading the first chapter. I like it so far! You really have Ford's characterization down, and I'm fascinated to see where you're going with Ada.

But if I may offer some advice, I think you should work on your pacing a bit. It felt like it was moving along a little too quickly at times. Also, it might have been beneficial to include a little more background information in the early section of the chapter. Like, why did Stanley leave to go live with the twins? Was it his own personal choice or did he leave because Ford kicked him out? I have yet to read the other two chapters, so if this did become clarified later on, then I apologize for the misconception. I'll try to catch up tomorrow when I can.
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#8
wow, how did i miss this. XD i just finished the first chapter, and am loving it so far. i'll give you some better feedback after i read the rest
edit: read the rest. it seems to go a little bit fast at some points, and include too much or too little details at some points. and when he's explaining his past to her she doesn't question the fact that bill is a demon. or did he just gloss over that in his explanation? maybe she's used to paranormal stuff? i really like it so far and hope you write more. C:
I'm about as edgy as a ball of raw cookie dough 
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#9
I just finished reading Chapters 2 and 3. I'm really interested in seeing where the story goes from here. I enjoyed that bit from Chapter 2 with Ada observing Ford and trying to draw the dots together about what he's doing. I can't say that I blame her for being so curious.

But like I mentioned before, the story is moving a little too quickly. I think that there should have been more buildup of Ford's and Ada's friendship; at least enough for him to be willing to disclose information about his past to her. And like Seer pointed out, her non-reaction to Bill in Ford's explanation seemed a little off. I also noticed this little mistake in Chapter 3:

Quote:"No, not until I get answers about this," she gestured to the general direction of the lab.

When you're not using dialogue tags, such as "said," then you need to end quotations with a period. In addition, you need to capitalize the following word outside of the dialogue.

But other than that, great work so far!
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#10
Attention anyone who followed this story

I am here to announce my rewrite of Broken. The chapters are still going to remain the same as far as concept goes, but your suggestions in the comments are being taken and I am improving the story. Furthermore, this story is to be put on hold until I can achieve that.

Thank you for your support of this story, it means a lot.
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